No More "Whatever"

 Today I attended the funeral of the brother of a dear sweet friend. I was under the impression that I was attending to support her in her loss, to help her through her pain. That, I’m realizing was only a small part. As hard as it is to attend funerals I am always touched by the pause that we take to celebrate the precious life that just left this earth for Home. It always helps me remember how short, fleeting and fragile life is. Each time I come away remembering how important my loved ones are and with a resolve to love them more, to love them better, to be kinder, slower to anger. I’m reminded that none of the day to day hassles, setbacks, or frustrations, matter. They. Just. Don't.

  However I still slip right back into the mode I promise myself I won’t. I go right back to feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, annoyed and negative. I go back to lacking self control and flying off the handle over nothing, instead of focusing on how precious my children and husband are. 

 Today the son of the man who passed away gave the eulogy and it struck me right in my heart.  He told us that the night before he lost his dad his dad told him how proud he was of him and how much he loved him. The young man’s response was "Whatever".  He told us how sad he felt that "whatever" was the last word he spoke to his father and how he wished he would have responded. He urged all of us to watch what we say to each other because you never know when the words you speak may be your last words or the last words someone might hear.  This young man shared his heart and deep regret over the fact that his last word to his father was “Whatever”. He said he will never forgive himself for that. {I pray he will forgive himself, because that is an incredible weight for a young man to carry and surely his father is looking down from Heaven, understanding and has already forgiven him.}

 The reason this young man’s words struck me so greatly is because the word "whatever" has become a word I use TOO often. I throw that word around to my kids and husband with the full impact of disrespect it can carry. I never feel good about it yet I keep throwing it out there. What’s worse is my kids have learned it and use it. Is that the attitude I want to have? Teach my children? Express to my husband? No! It took a young man’s words to wake me up today. The word "whatever" used with malice and disrespect is banned from my home from this day forward. No more "whatever". It’s not just the word itself that matters but the attitude of the heart that it exposes. It’s something I have been asking God to change in me anyway, but his words today reinforced the need. It will take a hefty dose of His grace to exercise self control, because I know as soon as life settles back in and the frustrations build I will struggle. But He is capable and I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

 I need an attitude change in many ways, but with His help and grace I can start with no more “whatever”. 

God bless,

Jen

 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

Self-Discipline, Goals and Simplifying

  It has been quite some time since I have added anything to my blog. I’ve missed writing. Thousands of thoughts are running through my mind, begging to be shared! But my family always comes first and I have been working hard to make sure our school year is off to the right start. 

 For many of our homeschooling years I have not kept the schooling part in the forefront. I have allowed many things to interfere. I have put off planning and preparing properly because of the busyness of life, only to find complete frustration when our school day arrives and we need to “wing- it” once again. I have found myself caught in the trap of busyness. I have filled our calendar with all kinds of things. I have said yes to things even if it meant putting my children’s education (or my sanity) on the back burner. I recall color coding my calendar for each child and their many activities and events. A colorful calendar it was! I believe this “busy trap” is one that we women tend to fall into. Goodness, our society has become a 24/7 world where no one seems to know the meaning of rest anymore. My mom, who was born in 1929, used to tell us that when she was growing up she and her family would prepare their pasta (an all day event) on Saturday, so they didn’t have much work to do on Sunday. They were also not allowed to sew on Sundays. Sewing wasn’t done for pleasure, but for necessity back then. Sunday was the day of rest as it should be. Where have those days gone? I find it very difficult when our calendar is filled. I need white space on there! Our weekends that are jam-packed create Mondays that are grueling. When I feel that I need Monday to recover from the busyness of the weekend that is a red flag to me. That is when it is time to reassess, regroup and take some things out. "Mental health days" cannot trump school days! 

  
Along the journey to find healthy ways to be the best homeschooler I can, I have realized that being a good Christian woman/mom/wife does not mean running like crazy, trying to do everything for everyone, or running our kids to every activity their hearts desire. Proverbs 14 reminds us that a wise woman builds her home. How can we build our home well if we are on empty? Proverbs 31 describes a woman of noble character. At the top of the list it states that she brings good to her husband. How we can bring good to our husbands if we are running in the rat race that our society says we should? If we live like that we have nothing left. This isn’t to say we should only be in our home. We are also told in Scripture to help others. Our children do need activities. We should be active in our community. But we don’t need to allow our calendar to dictate our life. I am learning this is a fine balance. Sometimes I have confused being a good Christian with doing many things and going non-stop. (Other Christian women do it so I must be failing if I am not.)  I then forget that my family needs my first efforts not my leftovers. I believe to my core it is wise to pray about everything we are thinking about adding in to our busy life and to continually assess whether we are putting things in proper order; God, spouse, children, family, community. Sometimes we need to say no. Sometimes we need to take time to rest and refocus. 

 I am realizing more and more that homeschooling is not just something we do; it’s our way of life. It takes preparation, it takes time, it takes effort and it takes focus. And sometimes it takes saying no to certain things. A while back, as my sister listened to me express frustration over having so many things to do, and feeling guilty for ever saying no to anyone, she reminded me of Nehemiah 6:3, “…I am doing a good work and cannot come down.”  She encouraged me that what I am doing (homeschooling my children) IS a good work and it is okay that I don’t want to interrupt it; that I need to put homeschooling first. I tend to be my own worst enemy when it comes to this because I am so easily distracted and feel that I need to answer every phone call, email, text, etc immediately. Newsflash to self, the world can still go on around me if I don’t jump on everything the minute it comes to my attention!

 I have been bound and determined to have a good school year in which I feel that we are thriving not just merely surviving. I have written down some daily goals/disciplines. (I am not speaking of disciplining children. I am speaking of self-discipline) I offer them up every day along with asking God to order my day. I think the biggest is keeping Nehemiah 6:3 in the forefront of my mind. Yes, I AM doing a good work and I cannot come down. And for this season of life, that is okay.

Here are a few things on my list:

~Wake up at least an hour before the rest of the family to pray (I used to do this but somewhere I lost that discipline and would pray “on the go”. Not the most effective way to spend time with God)

~Begin school by 8:30 each morning (it’s amazing how much more productive we are if we get right to it! Maybe this is even considered late to some, but we have had years where we don’t get into our day until 9:30 or later, so I am very content with this time.)

~ Meet with my 8th grader daily in the afternoon (She is a very independent student and it’s easy for me to forget to check on her. Then her struggles can fall through the cracks if she has any. By meeting with her we can discuss any troublesome areas and work through them right then)

~Grade work daily (when I fall behind in this it’s completely overwhelming and then I can’t even figure out where a concept has been lost. Grading daily allows me to fix problems right away.)

~No cell phone in the school room (it’s just too tempting to check and answer text messages, emails etc that come through)

~Less time on Facebook and checking emails and more time being present with my family

~Try to keep a calm and quiet environment (I cannot do this if I am completely overwhelmed and stressed out.) and remember that “life is not an emergency”

~Have a specific book to read on Sundays, maybe about the saints, to focus on Sunday being God's day. I purchased a book called The Domestic Church to begin this little Sunday tradition. As of yet I have not begun this goal but still hope to. 

 I have not perfected these by any stretch of the imagination. I am a work in progress. There are days weeks where I don’t follow all of these. I can say though, when I do practice these disciplines we have a much more peace filled home and accomplish great things. And by His Grace I can keep trying.

 My prayer for you is to find rest, balance, simplicity and peace in this busy world.

 God bless,

Jen

My True Boss!

Who do I work for anyway? This question has taken root in the forefront of my mind. I have to constantly remind myself of the fact that I do not work for anyone here on earth; not my husband, my children, or anyone else. My growing up years were years of wanting to please my parents, make them proud. I think that is a normal aspect of childhood, though I tend to take the people pleasing to new heights! And so it spilled right over into my marriage. For some reason, I always fall into the habit of wanting to seek my husband's approval. I often find myself disappointed when he doesn't have the reaction to things that I had hoped for. My expectations of how he will react to something rise without my even noticing. Those expectations blindside me every time he fails to have the reaction I had hoped for. (Of course I never let him in on what I was hoping for!) Whether it's a new project, something I have been teaching the kids in school, or how many things I have accomplished in a very busy day, I constantly look to him for approval or a pat on the back. He has even told me many times over, "I'm not your boss. You don't work for me." He is right. I work for God. But it's so easy to forget that because, though God is truly always with us, He is not tangibly here to tell me how He thinks I am doing. He can't give me His feedback. Those are the times I need to seek His Word to remind myself of His love.

 However in the day to day busyness I fall into the trap over and over again of seeking my husband's approval. Even the approval of others. This leads me nowhere but feeling disappointed. It's also exhausting because you cannot possibly please everyone here on earth. It can be maddening to try. If 1 Corinthians 3:19  tells me, "For the wisdom of the world is foolishness in God's sight." Then why would I live to please anyone in this world? To live up to anyones expectations? Only God's opinion of me matters. 

 A couple of years ago during a homeschool conference I attended, one of the speakers encouraged us to remember that we work for God. And we should offer it all up to Him every day. She said to always say, "All for you Lord. All for you." When I remember to say this in the midst of my frustration that no one notices what I am doing, it does help. I just need to remember to say it and believe it!

A few verses from Scripture to encourage us in living to please God alone....


 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for The Lord rather than for men, knowing that from The Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is The Lord Christ whom you serve. 
Colossians 3:23-24


How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and you do not seek the glory that is from the one and only God?  John 5:44



So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.1 Corinthians 10:31
 ...Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts.
1 Thessalonians 2:4


 For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.  Galatians 1:10


 Don't put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath... Isaiah 2:22


...Always give yourselves fully to the work of The Lord, because you know that your labor in The Lord is not in vain.  1 Corinthians 15:58


...the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:8-9


By God's Grace may we remember to offer up our daily tasks as a prayer to Him, saying, All for you Lord. All for you. 

God bless,
Jen

Allowing God to Order My Days

I tend to get-as my husband would say- "wrapped around the axle" about all that I try to accomplish. I am a worker bee. I like to get things done. I feel a sense of purpose when I have completed a task. I LOVE crossing things off my "to do" list! I believe I have inherited this trait from my hard working mom. She was always busy with many tasks. She has 6 children and 17 grandchildren (plus great-grandchildren!) and we have all kept her busy! She was also very active in the community and our church growing up. She used to joke that she had lists for her lists. I completely understand this as I have many lists, usually sorted by topic, or "To Do Now", "To Do Soon", and "To Do ASAP". I know, it's a bit over the top, right?! But it's who I am.

I find it difficult to maintain balance between homemaking tasks, homeschooling tasks, keeping up with family and community etc. I tend to gravitate toward doing really well keeping up in one area but then neglecting the rest. We are either having an amazing school day with many projects going, while the laundry doesn't get done and/or I am late in making dinner. Or I am on task with the house, everything is in order but we aren't having that great of a school day.

I have found that I feel like my kids are interrupting what I need to accomplish! (Don't judge me too harshly!) Remember, I said I feel a need to accomplish things and motherhood usually does not allow for that!! Recently I came across the photo below, posted by Sweet Kisses and Dirty Dishes.

 

Well if that didn't put me in my place! This is actually something my husband has been trying to get me to understand for years. It seems to come so naturally for him. He doesn't understand why I get so wrapped up in trying to do so many things; why I won't just focus on mothering. Our children ARE my work. They need to come first. But there is the lingering question of, "But what about all the other things? I can't just NOT do lesson plans, or grade work and pull my portfolio together, or many of the other thousands of things that really do need attention at times."

So one day recently, in a moment of complete frustration about all I couldn't get done that day, I put it all on paper. (yes, my life is a spreadsheet!) I listed all the things I feel like I need to do, under the categories of Homemaker, Homeschooler, Daughter/Sister/Friend, etc etc. (and don't forget personal prayer time, which without I am not a very good mama!)  This was a very general list of the basics, not too detailed. I offered it up in my prayer time and said, "Lord, I know you gave me plenty of time in my day, but I am not managing it to the best of my abilities. I am not using my time very wisely. I feel completely overwhelmed by all I feel I need to get done, and nothing seems to be getting done because of it. So I give you my tasks and ask you to order my day. Show me and lead me in doing what YOU would have me to today." I cannot even express to you the freedom that came with giving it up, letting go and asking God to order my day. My days have been flowing more freely and without as much stress-on the days I do this! I find that I am getting things done in a balanced way and most importantly, feeling peace about what isn't getting accomplished. Tomorrow is another day!

Remember, I told you I claim no perfections! So please do not have an image of my days perfectly flowing while I have a peaceful, patient disposition. Life is still crazy busy and I am still overwhelmed, because there is a lot on my plate. However if I take the time to offer my day up to God it does work better.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:33 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

My grace is sufficient for you...2 Corinthians 12:9

Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!" The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who seek Him. Lamentations 3:23-25

With His Grace I will remember to seek Him first each day~
Gods Blessings,

Jen